Friday 7 December 2018

Tintin - A Prospectus

Tintin is an "outstanding" yacht. Its core curriculum, to get to St
Lucia, is first rate and loved ones can have a high degree of
confidence that this will be achieved. Compared with the rest of the
fleet, Tintin has excellent facilities, first rate officers and a
strong sense of teamwork; some other boats have been deemed
"unsatisfactory" or "requires improvement" (at safety inspection) and a
few have retired due to equipment failure.

But what sets Tintin apart is our fine array of extra curricula
activities. Tintin offers many clubs and societies which crew members
can join. Crew members are encouraged to participate in as many as
possible in order to fulfill their potential (and to maximise their
chances of progressing their sailing careers at the highest level after
their arrival at St Lucia).

Bums & Tums
Get those abs working to some banging tunes - the best way to start
the day. We recommend harnesses are worn at all times as the gym floor
can be tippy at times.

Porridge Club
After much R&D, the Porridge Club prides itself on the perfect ratio of
oats, water, milk and salt. A good complement to Bums & Tums,
though most members prefer to restrict their efforts to just the one

Angling Society
The society is enjoying much success currently and is the envy of the
fleet. New crew members will benefit from the rapidly growing
experience of the society. Recent prizes include Mahi Mahi and Wahoo
Tuna. Due to its rich vein of wins, demand for joining "the dream team"
is high and new crew members may be disappointed.

Domestic Sciences
A good option for the less academically gifted, Tintin's officers
instruct crew members on cooking, sewing and scrubbing.

Radio Club (aka Pedants' Paradise)
If your thing is repeating long position coordinates over and over
again into a crackly line, then you'll find fellow travelers on the
spectrum. Tintin's operators have been awarding chocolate prizes for
broadcasting perversions of other boats' (admittedly rather silly)
names eg Rum Truffle -> Bum Shuffle, Chubby Bunny -> Runny Tummy etc.
We do not condone this form of passive aggressive bullying and are
reviewing the future viability of the club.

Celestial Navigation Society
The society is seeking new members as participation is sparse. The
skipper is keen to share his extensive knowledge of and enthusiasm for
the subject.

Gardening Club
Keen Tintin gardeners have had a few false starts due to flooding,
landslides and saline pollution, but we are currently showing some
green shoots of recovery and are optimistic of prize crops of basil and
coriander. Sadly members disembarking at St Lucia are unlikely to
benefit. Headed by our most charming first mate, she says this club is
"well good".

Mountaineering Club
As you probably know, there aren't many mountains in the Atlantic, but
Tintin has its very own climbing wall as well as the skipper's notorious
Bosun's Chair (see earlier blog entry. If you want thrills, this is
the club for you.

Astronomy Club
One of our more popular clubs, we provide nightly "watches" under the
stars. Crystal clear skies can be enjoyed from the luxury of the
cockpit with a fine arary of cushions provided for support. The entire
winter sky is lit up for crew members to enjoy every evening.

With apologies to Wycombe Abbey, Marlborough, Uppingham, St Edwards etc


1 comment:

Alice said...

This is too much. Is Molesworth a stowaway aboard Tintin?!

May I suggest a creative writing and literature appreciation society, led by Jimmy?

May I also point out a slight inconsistency- Wycombe Abbey, Marlborough, Uppingham etc would not be rated outstanding, satisfactory, requires improvement etc. You should be apologising to Tiffin, perhaps Burnage, etc

(Question for the porridge society: What is the optimal oat/water ratio?)